1. If you had a superpower, what would it be and how would you use it?
Regeneration, like Wolverine. Exactly how Wolverine uses it. Bub.
2. You have 24 hours and unlimited money to do whatever you want. How do you spend your time?
I would buy all the oil wells in the world. And shut them down. Also I’d buy NASA a new everything and Sea Shepherd an aircraft carrier.
3. Write a haiku dedicated to your favorite tree. (this isn’t really a question)
Grey sycamore tree,
Open leaves, hands casting shade,
Darkened shoreline graves.
4. Do you prefer coffee or tea, and why?
Coffee in the summer, tea in the winter. I don’t heat my house above fifty-five in the winter, so a constantly at-hand warm drink is very pleasant. Were I to drink coffee in the quantity I drink tea my heart would explode. In the summer, I drink less of everything but water, of which I drink more, so a cup or four of iced coffee fits into my diet without fatal amounts of caffeine.
5. What philosopher / philosophy do you most identify with and why?
I used to be quite fond of Nietzsche, but since his sudden popularity with the hipster set I’ve noticed a marked decline in the appearance of originality in his voice and I’ve thus abandoned him. I suppose all I have left is solipsism. Don’t worry, though, I’d treat you no better or worse if I thought you were real.
6. What book, movie, or television show impacted you most as a child?
Someone once threw a hardcover edition of Swift’s Gulliver’s Travels at me, that left quite a dent. In a more serious sense, The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien is the book that made me want to become a writer.
7. If you were guaranteed publication, what would you write your first novel (or nonfiction book) about?
The book would be a soft science-fiction work following a disagreeable protagonist as he explores the dangerous and damaged world he’s had the bad fortune of being born into poor. There would be indescribable monsters, class warfare, international strife, character exploration, and moral ambiguity. Hey, that sounds familiar…
8. What was the last song you had stuck in your head, and was it one you liked or disliked?
9. Describe yourself using only verbs. (again, not a question)
Punching, yelling, quarreling, writing, planting, ruing, anxious…ing.
10. What kind of comedy do you like? Do you consider yourself funny?
There was an arc of Deadpool in which he was infected with a computer virus that slowly ate his brain as revenge for his accidentally taking credit for another assassin’s retirement-marking four person kill. Deadpool, already diminished mental faculties further diminishing, writes the code to deactivate the McGuffin-bomb so that he won’t forget it during his fight against the main villain. The battle is bloody, but Deadpool prevails and makes his way to the bomb. With seconds to spare, Deadpool looks down at his arm to find the code and instead finds a stump, having been literally disarmed in the moments prior battle. He giggles as the clock goes from four, to three, and so on in that fashion as the panel pulls back, the bomb finally detonating, and so far as the author of that arc was concerned, killing Deadpool off forever.
I think I’d have giggled too.
Thanks very much to Fennec Fawn for this nomination. If you’re interested in intelligently written articles discussing the nature, philosophy, and reality of the fashion and make-up worlds, I’d recommend you give her blog a look.