As I struggle against the heat to get my feet back under me, all things extraneous to minimal existence, that is breathing, sleeping, drinking, push back to the wayside. I’ve not written here since thursday, but I’ve not written anywhere else, either.
On monday, I hiked a short route through Fort Washington State Park in Philadelphia with some friends and am still paying for it. Even with the corticosteroid I don’t feel as if I’m getting more than two-thirds a lung full of air with each breath, and since returning to Harrisburg I haven’t been able to find the spray. I made it to kung fu tonight, but I could and can still feel the vines of weakness worming through my forearms. I know the sense, I know that it feels like being devoured by a squid or nematodes, but I don’t know exactly what it is. Low electrolytes or the threshold of unconsciousness just before my body would shut down to keep me from damage my renal organs. Could simply be fatigue. As I said, I cannot say.
You’d think with the cost of laboring that sedentary activities like writing would become, if not easier, preferable, but such hasn’t been the case. My brain seems at as great a loss as my body. Thinking clearly, especially thinking in ways beyond sense codification and monosyllabic responses to sensory input, has been difficult, pencil to paper, fingers to keyboard, impossible.
I began a short story today, in the car, as I waited for a green light. A single sentence came complete from somewhere at the back of my head and I had enough time to set my phone to memo before the light changed. At the next one I spoke it, already having half forgotten the initial, perfect sounding form. At the light after I edited it and expanded. It went on this way for several miles, the passage through Hershey if nothing if not staccato.
I don’t know where the piece is going, but I’m fairly certain it’s no place good. No good for the characters, fine for me. Fine for you, dear readers, too.
I hope to be back tomorrow with a more substantial post.
Thanks for bearing with me.